no hope, no harm

2006-02-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

i love the movie "groundhog day" i made out hardcore in a movie theatre in bedford when it came out with my first love. then we ate chinese food at the stardust motel with his parents and i felt funny about the state of my pants. i'm going to rent it tonight. anyone who wants to make out is welcome. do you ever feel like this:

"He soon takes advantage of his foreknowledge of the day's events, the information he is able to gather about the town's inhabitants, and the fact that his actions can have no long-term consequences. He creates an extravagant life for himself, robbing banks, seducing women, and indulging his every pleasure. However, his attempts to seduce Rita are met with repeated failure. He begins to tire, and then to despair of his existence. He commits suicide several times, but even death cannot stop the day from repeating. He opens his heart to Rita, and her advice helps him to gradually find a goal for his trapped life: as a benefactor to others. He cannot, in a single day, bring others to fulfill his needs but he can achieve self-improvement by educating himself on a daily basis."

thanks wikipedia

sober sucks

2006-01-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

whoops - so i posted something a little bit shocking, complete with photo - did anyone out there see it before called someone else and gave them my password to delete it? apparently, if you wake me from a dead sleep and convince me to come out and play... play i will.
i reloaded my ipod and almost strangled myself with the radio shack that is my bed. i have moved all of my pillows and blankets into my bathtub and have been spending most of the time i spend at home in there. smoking and futher fucking my detox up than when i snapped the cleanse hymen with not only tobacco - but deep fried haddock tips. indeed. and then there was friday night/ morning. maybe i'll repost that removed jager soaked bloggy masterpiece.
i may go and see belle and sebastian in toronto. i wish that i had a sex slave. tomorrow i teach children how to eat.

2006-01-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

hatehatehatehatehatehate. hate most things. posted on my period instead. have to move a cat tomorrow. have to go to montreal on saturday. feeling lazy. needing cleansing. fat. blar. bored. blar. writing poems eating cake. there is nothing to eat in this city.

i am so brave

2005-12-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

i am so brave and so free and pretty cool but feeling ugly but am so brave so who cares?

winter inventory

2005-12-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

broken tea pot. dead tree. stinky cat. dirty laundry. dangling smoke detector. broken doorknob. radio shack tangle of wires in the bed. hateful occupation. bad bangs. threatening bills. no clean socks. no clean food. 10 extra pounds. non commital pussy neurosis. lack of inspiration. family alienation. eyes look pissed in.

panic

2005-12-06T13:47:00.000-08:00

enough said. i'm quietly freaking out. and eating my own puke. have a nice day.

bed of sick

2005-11-27T16:37:00.000-08:00

so it is november. one of my favorite months. almost december. kevin's birthday is next week which really means nothing cause he's dead. which really means nothing because that is what happens when you are alive. i'm lonely for no reason. sore for many reasons and frustrated for stupid reasons. all i want to do is drink champagne and fuck. made some shitty eggs benny this morning and drew on steamy windows. i should be bloody happy. i also should be sick. i'm neither right now. perhaps i'll post again on a day that isn't sunday.

doin alot of chuckin'

2005-08-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

there are fireworks going off like gangbusters right now. sounds like thunder - lookes like smoke billowing around the side of cottonhead towers. i am too lazy to walk around the corner to look. went through music today and tossed and cleaned, and dusted and did alot of listening. mostly to blues, which incidentally, do not make me feel blue. they make me feel like painting my toenails and sweating through a dress while drinking too sour lemonade and smoking. was high pretty much all day but rather productive despite. throwing away lots of useless beauty. eating crappily as of late - unless there is a "beer is nutritionally sound" myth that happens to be true. i'm going to start looking sunburned if i eat any more hot sauce. my stomach should definately be put in formaldehyde on display at the nova scotia museum of natural history, although formaldehyde may be wasted on me.
everybody seems to be talking about love in the last couple of days (or lack thereof), but mostly people are excited about the prospect of permanant partnership. pahpahpah. if anyone has a functional and satisfactory relationship that involves regular, adequate sex and/or honest and pleasant communication - please leave an anecdote in the form of a comment.
can't wait to start cooking again in my new place. does anyone know what it looks like? i can't remember. yesterday i woke up early because my landlord pulled into the driveway at 7 a.m. (yup) and threw (yup) scaffolding on the pavement (yup) and then backed. over. it. this calls for a simple: "fucking why?"
slept in today and had weird and too vivid morning dreams about making out in tracksuits in my older sister's former closet with a retroromance leo. stayed in bed so late that the sun enveloped me and i managed to adhere my forearm to my maw with summer drool. and bit the inside of my left cheek so i feel like i look like post wisdom teeth popeye. craving saurkraut in the form of campsongs. what do you reckon?

danish soul mates. twice removed.

2005-07-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

me + sune rose wagner = latest nonexistent love. if i knew how to put pictures on the interweb i would post a photo of my latest love interest. there. love three times in a post already. tired. have apartment. nothing spectacular to blog of except uber counter space for future baking endeavors with dustlabs inc. and most picturesque suicide tub ever. there's gin and chocolate downstairs, and my mother soon too.

monday morning feeling

2005-07-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

i thought i was dead when i woke up this morning instead of the usual "i'm alive" revelation i usually experience. work was joke easy. rep lunch helps. getting trapped inside a parking lot was uber fun. guilty feelings about razzing a friend is no good. watching my dad de-age 20 years when showing me guitar was good. listening to music is good. hair is no good. looked like a crappy bag of crap today - was no good. looking foward to a couple of things was good. having to bathe is no good. sleeping will be good. getting stoned before free dinner was good. focusing on dinner conversation while death exhausted was no good. this post may, or may not make sense. i blame the palace, pornstars liquid cocaine team goth night won'tpower and general blah.

now in chartreuse

2005-07-22T17:42:00.000-07:00

i am now officially in possession of a too expensive apartment. yikes. whee. shit.

addicted to spend

2005-07-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

bought (yes spent) bright eyes digital ash in a digital urn. second bright eyes attempt. so far so good - heard it before so it is a safer bet. hot out. late for sackville - but happy as i allow for lateness in my family so i haven't packed or any of that b.s. please let the rental have ac, and more importantly, a cd player. should go to sobeys now. going to take the apartment. nothing to wear - so many clothes. work was quick and flashy. productive and decent. see you on sunday halifax. noone blogs in the summer.

let me, let me, let me...

2005-07-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

i just looked at a kick ass apartment. all inclusive (with wireless internet) and cat friendly. cool landlord, huge fucking bathroom, clawfoot bathtub. huge-r fucking kitchen. friend's photos were on the fridge, room for vinyl and the likes. nice big kitchen, backyard, do-able closet. hum-haw. hum-haw. slightly unaffordable - but again, do-able.

here come the leos

2005-07-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

hot. woke up to landlord pounding on door - came home to clean house. had water for lunch. discussed the pros and cons of fidelity. did whirlwind shopping. hot and cheap wedding outfit. stared at vinyl - didn't buy. sad. going to look at potential new digs. fingers crossed. toes blistered.

not one, not two

2005-07-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

..........but three clothes baths. and a bright idea.

send cheque or money order

2005-07-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

there was a centipede (or a millipede - i didn't stick around to count) in my tub. i want a raise in life. i'm waiting for the ant. work survived without me. and i'll get paid for it. resisted buying cds. ate dinner with uni friend and got caught up on various marriages and children. need a tazer on my bankcard. and visa. sorry about the hurricane.

who cares

2005-07-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

there is this ant living busy under the computer desk. he always crawls on my feet when i sit here. my day is coming to an end and i'm sad for it. my tummy hurts from laughing on the phone. i'm alone in the house tonight. everyone is away. i'm going to stay up late and eat chocolate in bed and finish some books. i'm a little excited because there are supposed to be thunderstorms with lightening. i hope it wakes me up. i hope the power goes out. i hope work burns down.

will trade roof for emotional splint

2005-07-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

there is nothing to eat but i never find that anything tastes good anymore. summer heat. too much smoking. culinary ennui. something. it's not so hot now. i haven't yet gone outside. haven't even suffered guilt. today is a good practise in self removal. can't stay focused on anything much though. just listening to lots of mp3's and periodically cleaning and packing.

hour7

2005-07-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

my hands hurt from hitting things and using the stupid computer. i wish this day off would keep lasting. i wish there was someone here, but i can't think of who. i hope i get hit by a car so i don't have to work tomorrow. that won't happen because i'm not going outside. if only there were a street running through my bedroom. maybe in my next apartment. i have nothing to say about harry potter. elliot smith sounds like a woman when you listen to him from 2 rooms away in this house. it's actually quite weird to look out of the window and see a monday going by without me in it. i like it.

an indoors perspective on regression

2005-07-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

i just punched a wall. i was doing dishes and listening to a cd really loud and just got so mad and didn't know what to do. i wanted to break dishes, but they weren't mine and it wouldn't be so satisfying an act when i was picking shards out of cat's feet and sweeping and buying new ones - and screaming might attract neighbors or phone calls to 911 by the goldies across the way, so i decided to haul off on a door frame. i apologize to the male species for criticizing this seemingly pointless act of aggression. ( however i did the chick version which was punch followed by some crap slapping). i totally get it now. it's done because it has to be, and there is nothing else to do. so i'm not sitting around comparing my thighs to shells or anypotentialconsequencial particle of light or shift or what not, and i am certainly not pining away for romance or martinis or second rate canrock. maybe i wish i was - but everything just seems to make me mad. i'm sitting here feeling like my mouth is full of dirt (yes in a meta-way and a literal sense). not really doing anything. waiting for the spray cleaner to soak through the filth in the bathroom. hoping an apartment will fall into my lap. wishing all of my cigarettes were not smoked last night. have about 24 things to work on but a bad case of the "doesntmatters" is sitting heavily on my lap and keeping me infront of the computer listening to music. i think going to taz might be kinda brash on my sick day so i have to make do with trying to navigate the virtual sea of the interweb. maybe i'll kick a chair's ass later. maybe the furniture will get me. the stairs could trip me or the bathtub could drown me or something. i'm not so sure of life to rule out all of this alice in wonderland possibility. then again.l-dog had a good point about your ass eating your legs in your sleep - it's probably not going to happen - so the chances of an appliance revolution are slim.

smokeblowdayoff

2005-07-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

i called in sick to work today. just to remind myself that i'm human. and have been told repeatedly that i am, in fact sick. so there. went to see keren ann last night. was good. hate job. hate messy house. might get coffee and go to taz and sit around and mope.

whore patterns

2005-07-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

get drunk. be a shit. buy things fall down. manipulate. buy more. don't sleep. leave makeup on for two days. scratch new records. sleep on top of them. leave laundry. lie. vomit periodically. hyprotique. don't call back. be late. hate. well up. heave and hold in. too much.

song du jour

2005-07-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

arthur russell "little lost"

visa hate

2005-07-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

music attained today: moz 7" single, smiths 7"single, "louder than bombs" cassette, "london calling" and "surfer rosa" on vinyl, double buddy holly cd, german import "boy" cd, and "rum, sodomy, and the lash" cd with 6 bonus tracks - some gifts, some purchases. stacked on my bed making me happy. have to stop spending money, but i haven't been in the city for weeks so i feel justified. very tired. went out last night with old friends to the economy shoe shop. it wasn't economical. fought with snoots in the cab ride home and then fought over the advantages of individual singles or compilation discs (yay former! boo latter!). there's alot of dissapointed red and white haligonians walking around in the traditional shite weather looking for somewhere dry to sport their stupid beer shaped hats and foam #1 hands. ate an enormous piece of obnoxious red and white cake that made me see things funny. have to work on a housewarming gift for fight buddy and get some sleep. i guess i should listen to some gordon lightfoot or something today. might opt for k.d. lang, or leonard cohen, or joni mitchell. have to stop spending money.

malproductive

2005-06-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

this will be my fourth weekend fleeing the city. the weather is going to be the same all over the province so it doesn't really matter. i have work inventory, a bus ride, a sleep on a sofa, and lugging heavy shit in heavy weather around to look foward to tomorrow... but also marathon bean chat day - a thursday fave. buddy maven taped "Big Time" last night and lent it to me in exchange for a "bone machine" loaner - but it was too hot to pay attention. during a conversation about my passion for powdered greens i had a wave of grief nausea thinking about making them for k when we lived together. there have been a few moments of welling vomit in the last few days. this pysiological shite must be "processing", i guess. had one over b last sunday too - very vivid. went running and my top came untied and i flashed an ultimate game. hot. next week is catchup platonia social. stay tuned on the package front - although "walter" of "canada lost" was very polite he scored zero in useful. if there was a beating heart in the package - it must stink by now. i want gin.

hot. tired. boring.

2005-06-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

today was like being submerged in simmering molasses on valium whilst listening to pink floyd.

2005-06-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

i'd like to dedicate that last post to my family and rock doves. also would like to report that i dumped the contents of a can of tuna on my lap twice in a row. same move. now in twice.

my package

2005-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

so. i go to get a package at the local postoffice on cornwallis and gottigen. cool. a package. haven't got one since parents sent second rate chocolate to me which i didn't deserve in the nineties (more on the nineties later). killer - stuff for me. but they lost it.
"we don't have it"
"if you get your final notice from wherever it is bring it back and we'll track it for you"
why didn't ask them to track it, oh, NOW? because i am no good at that assertion stuff, and for those of you who have witnessed it in bewilderment and frustration, it's not as though i don't think of these things, i have just learned that it is better to say "ok" and leave. whether or not i actually mean it is said "ok" - probably not. i do really want my package but i bought some vinyl at taz where dudes who know service ALSO gave me 4 free movie passes and complimented my boots. they should open a postoffice.
oh, i've been working my lotions and potions and getting drunk alone on an island for the last month and somewhat happy since a minor freak out. (more on my freak outs later). or i might not write again. got tickets to white stripes in september. need to find apartment. need to mate and beat sperm donor to death with bottle of calcium carbonate.

reverse birds

2005-06-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

woke up with tequila residue clinging to my molars (what happened?) random night with some fellas and tulips. i've been listening to bloc party and elvis costello's "king of america" discs all day. i wish it was 1985 or 1979 or even 1991 sometimes as far as retrospective music recognition goes. spent too much damn money and didn't really so anything meaningful today. meant to lie in a graveyard, read and pick violets but it didn't pan out (stop laughing at me). checked out some other blogs and felt better after some criticism from a few people on them. they don't really matter but those who think they are dumb shouldn't look at them. then i realize that cynicism isn't meant to be productive - just self preserving/ protective. got my hair cut (bangs.... again...). so hot. running in post rainstorm weather felt good- the air smells sexy - and i bought some honey soap and mackerel. the best gift to get today would be 7 baby white rabbits and 3 bouquets of forget me nots. then i realized that the flowers would die and i would have to scoop bunny shit pellets and feed them. everything in life should be disposable. got to go to a photobooth with some chums soon. i'm going to forget them if i don't get a permanent record.

But now you only call me When you're feeling depressed When you feel happy I'm So far from your mind My patience is stretched My loyalty vexed Oh, you're losing all of your friends

i suck. i'm sorry.

quote of the night (last night) with egg:
egg:"does k still work there?"
sweetness: "no egg, he's dead"
i did not learn how to be tactful and didn't notice any seagulls or pigeons downtown...strange.

2005-06-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

i thought i told fate that jack white was going to marry me.

new wave liverpudlian

2005-06-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

there is a party in my backyard and i was again offered a birthday raincheck "stay up all night drug". i'll pass for precious sleep hopefully not interrupted by notneeded guilt unfantasies. today i learned that national sales managers are cheesebags that i dub "jock mcbaldy". margins - sales - merchandising - whatthefuck? tomorrow i WILL leave work early. and party. and sleep. maybe elvis costello will follow me around and provide a killer soundtrack to my stellar lifestylins'. cat got out and i chased it around for 15 annoying minutes - hoping it won't go into heat and make me jealous.

out came the sun and dried up all the impotence

2005-06-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

i am very tired and most of my limbs feel like they are incased in subzero playdough of a noxious colour variety. did anyone see where i went? i remember seeing me in february but i think the rest of the world got lost. it's june it's june it's june. i dig june. not junebugs. especially (exspecially... ha!) in my hair. i hope there's junebugs in someone else's hair. they would never get them out. eternal petrified date insect incased in curls. the only note ever heard is junebugraphone. i learned today yomhimbe is illegal in any form - sorry boys- i can't help you get it up.

don't forget to eat the seeds

2005-05-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

i bought two live joy division records on shitty depressing sunday and they are killer. i am going to burn a hole through them with the needle. oh happy day. i'm too distracted to read right now (now being the last year or so save crappy efforts on crappily written books on moz and hippy crackwhore meds reference books which don't count), so copious music purchases are in order - what else are (insulting) raises for? interaction with the human race today was less than stellerfun. probably because the sun was out and people wouldn't shut up about it. ah superfluous language. it itches. it burns. i think i need some mental time hanging out on a beach and not eating. yet i want to drink gin until people around me start taking off their underwear. then i'll spit watermelon seeds in their eyes and piss gin in their shoes while they are swimming. maybe then write some letters with seagull carcass. dear liverpool..................

today i learned that vitamin B6 P-5-P is a much more well absorbed form.
king leer is playing - where i got the title for my dead blog. i am doing to scam some of the better entries before i destroy it.

chihuahua got the gas

2005-05-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

yeah i got sick of myself and wish i could take most of my life so far on a one way field trip to a pig farm. so here's a maufactured new stab at things and i promise i'll still whine. and in the realm of stabbing.....
i started throwing knives the other day. i collect them passively and like flicking them around and need something to do while thinking of the people i hateahemhelp all day in my 70% thankless job. it seemed logical. i did not like watching them bounce off of the tree. 2 made a feeble stab mark in the bark. ooh. sexy. dangerous. right.
i made a birthday cake cake in the shape of maki for http://beanypod.blogspot.com/ and told my roomates that i wanted to move out this weekend. i learned that a computer uses roughly 3.46kW or something of energy a day. which equals about 500 lbs of burnt coal if it is on for 10 hours a day for a year. something to think about. turn it off.
so here's to a new year - i'm freshly 27 and still knee deep in neverland. this year i plan to not be so oversensitive, sleep more, scam some virginity and learn how to sink a knife an inch or so into... something.